"If you want something you've never had, then you've got to do something you've never done."

     I saved this list on my computer a few months back (unfortunately I didn't save where I found it, so I can't really credit who wrote it), but it's some pretty useful advice. The first time I read it, it meant something completely different to a few minutes ago when I re-read it. Just some food for thought. 

1.  It’s not about you. Understand people’s actions, even when hurtful, rarely have anything to do with you. It’s easy to read into the negativity of others and see it as a slight to our personality or challenge to our ego. Yet this type of reaction can trigger unnecessary stress and prevent you from focusing on the positive things in your life. People are people; there’s never a need to link their behavior and your happiness. Knowing this gives you freedom to feel the confidence you deserve.

2.  Buy clothes that fit. Wearing clothes that fit well and flatter, no matter the shape of your body, provides an enormous boost to your self esteem. Don’t wait until you’ve arrived at a magical ideal to start dressing your best. Clothes never make the person, but it’s hard to feel confident inside when your outside sends signals of uncertainty. Love what you’re wearing and the world is likely to love it too.

3.  Keep laughing. Let your brain give vent to the endorphins that will fill you with authentic happiness and internal confidence. Laughter releases some of the tension that invariably builds in your body each day. Pepper your routine with the people or media that make you most happy. You don’t have to overdo it, but a bit of levity goes a long way toward elevating your level of confidence.

4.  Embrace the quiet. Many people are eager to populate every waking second with activity. With a world moving at the speed of broadband, the problem blooms more with every passing day. Realize you can be comfortable alone with your thoughts and you will provide your internal processes the space needed to develop. This will make you more comfortable with yourself, helping you appear more confident to others.

5.  Make a budget. If this isn’t natural for you, take the time to do it anyway. Claiming control of your finances is an early step to a healthy attitude about money. Though many people believe confidence comes with having lots of cash, confidence accompanies a clear picture of what you have and what you need.

6.  Don’t gossip. Exit conversations that swim in hearsay. Indulging in idle chatter might make you feel in the loop, but the feeling is fleeting and will leave you wondering what others are saying about you when you’re not around. Take the high road – you’ll feel better inside and appear far more confident to others around you.

7.  Do as you say and say as you do. This doesn’t mean you have to draw neat lines through all of life’s to-do’s, but if you articulate your goals, and start to accomplish them, easy ones first, you will develop a mindset of success. This, in turn, makes it easier to feel confident. Your goals could be anything from running your first 5K to finally cleaning out the garage; learning how to strum a guitar or play the piano. Whatever your goals, find something you truly desire, make a promise to see it through to the end, then feel the confidence of success.

8.  Make peace with your body. You will always want to stay active and improve your health, but your confidence comes with the understanding that no matter your size, shape, number of wrinkles or height, you are a person who deserves love and dignity from yourself and those around you. Truly know this, and confidence will bleed through your skin.

9.  Realize you know more than you think you do. All those things you think everyone else just knows? Well, they don’t. If you don’t know something, there’s no shame in asking for the answer. Admitting you don’t have the answer is the first step toward finding it, and the right answers pave the road to confidence.

10. Be enthusiastic. Playing it cool is a great way to ignore your honest emotions and bury the authentic you. Be happy and excited, and allow the world to see it. Your joy will be infectious, your confidence contagious.

Words of Wisdom

[image via weheartit]

"Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen."

-- Mary Schmich, columnist for the Chicago Tribune